Road Trip!
by Hamlets-pirate
Summary: This was inspired by Hurley's Van of Near Death back in episode 310 Tricia Tanaka Is Dead. Basically, the boys go on an Island Road Trip!
1. The Idea

Yeah, I own EVERYTHING! The Other's are actually aliens that I brought to the Island from a distant planet called Disclaimer.

Hi. So cast your brain back to episode 310: Tricia Tanaka Is Dead. This was inspired by Hurley's Van of Near Death. Totally AU from that episode on.

Have FUN!!! Oh, I wrote this back when I still liked Roger. Now I think he was an ass.

* * *

Hurley came busting out of the jungle covered in sweat as always seemed to happen if he ran more than two steps. Seeing Charlie, Sawyer and Jin at the edge of the water he ran over to them. "Dudes," he panted, "I have," pant, "the most," pant, "killer," pant, "idea," pant.

"Spit it out Waffle House," Sawyer interrupted, using his current favorite Hurley insult. Not that he'd ever admit it, but Sawyer spent hours thinking up new insults for everyone.

Ignoring him Hurley looked around the group as he caught his breath. Sawyer's impatient scowl, Jin's slightly confused focus and Charlie's accepting interest. "ROAD TRIP!" All three men stared at Hurley with mouths hanging open.

"Uh, hate to burst your bubble here, pork chop, but you need a _road_ for a road trip," Sawyer spit out trying hard not to show his interest.

"Where would we go?" this came from Charlie while Jin just looked on in interest, only understanding about half of what was being said.

"I don't know where we'd go. I say we just get in the van and drive. Go wherever we want. Just get away for a while." Looking around he tried a different tact. "Look, everything sucks around here right now. The Others have Jack. Kate, John and Sayid are gone. Everyone's all tense and anxious and I think we need to blow off some steam. Come on, it'll be fun," he finished with a smile across his big, broad face.

"I'm in," Charlie said with a grin, forgetting for a moment the death sentence hanging over his head.

"I. Am. In," Jin said in his careful, thoughtful way. He liked these three men. Besides, Sawyer might teach him more phrases in English. They all turned to watch Sawyer.

"What the hell," he said, throwing up his hands, "I got nothing better to do," he huffed out. "But this better not turn into some touchy- feely bonding crap!" With that they all went to pack.

LOSTLOSTLOSTLOST

A few hours later they met on the field at the van, each man carting a bag of what he considered 'road trip necessities'. After stowing them in the back of the van they started to climb in when Charlie spoke up, "Um, I have something," he said as he pulled a box from his bag and handing it to Hurley. "It just felt right that we bring it." Sawyer and Jin leaned towards Hurley to see what it was only to recoil in disgust when Hurley opened the box.

"What the crap, you little hobbit!?" Sawyer yelled as he jumped back, staring at the skull.

"Yeah man, Morbid much!"

"But it's Roger. He deserves one last ride, don't you think?" Silence filled the air until Jin stepped forward and took the box from Hurley.

"It is right. Roger should come," turning; he placed the box on the front seat of the van before climbing into the back.

"Well, now that that's settled," Hurley said, clapping his hands together, "let's get a move on!" With that, they piled in the van. Hurley took the wheel with Sawyer riding shotgun and Charlie joining Jin in the kid seats.

LOSTLOSTLOSTLOST

After an hour of driving through the jungle Sawyer began to get restless and fidgety. "Hey, twinkle toes! Toss me my bag would 'ya?"

Charlie struggled to pull the heavy duffel over the back of the seat. "What do you have in here, rocks?"

After finally getting the bag into the front seat Sawyer answered Charlie by opening the bag and pulling out a can of Dharma Initiative brand beer and tossing it to the diminutive Englishman.

"Beer. You packed a whole bag of _beer_?" Charlie asked.

"You gotta a problem with that, Bambi?" Sawyer asked around a swig of the disgusting beer as he tossed one to Jin.

"At the moment, no," Charlie answered with as much dignity as he could muster while grinning like a school boy and popping open the can.

Two hours and several (dozen) beers later, Sawyer started digging in his bag again only to pull out a roll of duct tape. No one questioned how Sawyer had procured the only role of duct tape they had seen since landing on the island. Sawyer had everything, that's why they tolerated him most of the time.

When Sawyer opened Roger's box no one noticed but when he started to tape Roger to the dash Hurley almost steered into a tree, causing Charlie to squeak and curl into a ball muttering "I'm not going to die, I'm not going to die."

"Dude, what are you doing?" Hurley yelled at Sawyer.

"Helping our little buddy see where we're going," Sawyer answered without the least little qualm over taping a human skull to the dashboard of a VW van.

You can't put him there! That's like seriously messed up!" By then the deed was done and Roger was one tiny body away from being a dancing Hula girl ornament.

"Woo!" came Charlie's weak, inebriated voice from the back.

"To Roger," Jin's slurred voice drifted forward as he toasted their long dead companion.

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So, that was the first chapter. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. The Next chapter will be up as soon as I'm done beta-ing.

See that little Purple button? If you push and leave a review I'll give you a poptart!


	2. The Morning After

Just so you remember, I own it all. I am the master of the Island and Jacob is nothing but a front!

Yeah, I know I said it wasn't gonna be up until like Friday but it was done and I decided to be nice.

Just a reminder, you have to forget EVERYTHING that has happened since 310-Tricia Tanaka Is Dead, okay? Great!

* * *

By the time the light started to fade Hurley found a flat place to set up camp. After stretching their legs and reliving their straining bladders they settled around the campfire that Charlie built to eat the food that Hurley packed and Jin cooked and get noisily drunk on the beer that Sawyer had brought.

They saw a flash of lightening and heard a crash of thunder a split second before the sky opened up and ice cold rain came pouring over them. They ran for the van screaming and covering their heads like little girls. Once they were safely shivering in the van they realized that, with the exception of Jin, they had all left their blankets next to the campfire. "Since when is the rain so fucking cold around here," Sawyer demanded.

As the storm grew worse, pounding the van with sheets of icy rain, the four men grew colder. "I wanna go home! I miss the camp." Charlie sniffled into the sleeve of wet shirt as Jin patted his head and offered to share his blanket.

"Don't be such a weenie!" Sawyer managed to say before a shiver took over, making his teeth chatter. In the back, Charlie and Jin huddled under the blanket together, eventually getting warm enough to fall asleep. After Hurley, too, fell asleep Sawyer curled into a ball in the corner of the bench seat, eventually succumbing to sleep and dreaming of a hot sandy beach and dry clothes.

LOSTLOSTLOSTLOST

Hurley awoke the next morning to the bright sun shining through the windshield and Sawyer curled up next to him, his head resting on Hurley's shoulder. "Dude!" Hurley yelled in shock, waking the others, "Dude, what are you doing? Personal space man! Personal space! Three foot rule!" He hollered as he pushed Sawyer back.

"What the hell, man!" Sawyer yelled back as he was shoved into the door. "I… it's…_you!_" he yelled, pointing a finger at Hurley. He whipped his head around as he heard snickering from the backseat. "If _anyone EVER_ finds out about this, you will ALL die!" he growled, pointing a finger at Charlie. Without another word he opened the door and stomped off into the jungle.

"Dude, where's he going?" Hurley asked as he opened his door and rolled out of the van.

"What's the matter, Hugo, miss your _boyfriend_?" Charlie asked with a smirk before making kissy noises and miming making out. When he bothered to look at Hurley he began to run as Hurley tried to chase him down, of course, after a few steps he started pouring sweat and soon gave up the chase to collapse on the ground and wonder who would cook breakfast and what it would be.

LOSTLOSTLOSTLOST

As they enjoyed their breakfast, Sawyer continued what he was calling his reconnoiter, when in reality he was stomping through unfamiliar jungle and muttering under his breath about 'payback', 'butterball', '_anyone_ finds out' and 'hobbit's gonna get it'. However, Sawyer neglected to pay any attention to what he was doing or where he was going and he was on this particular island so naturally, he ran into trouble. In this case, trouble came in the form of a crevasse in the rocks he hadn't noticed.

One minute he was sullenly thinking up ways to threaten 'the boys' into silence and the next he found himself tumbling into the tiny ravine. When he finally quit cursing, he found himself thoroughly wedged in the chasm. After spending a few panicky minutes wiggling and grunting and trying to free himself, Sawyer managed to calm down enough to contemplate his fate.

'_Okay_,' he thought, 'I'm stuck on crap-hole Island. With a bunch of annoying twerps. I _somehow_ got talked into spending time with some of said twerps. Actual, personal, gross, _bonding _time.' At this thought he let out a shudder. 'I have now _cuddled_ with Hugo. _GROSS GROSS GROSS!_' Sawyer shook his head, trying to expel the thought. 'Now I'm fucking stuck in a God damned hole in the middle of the friggin' jungle. Oh yeah, and no one knows where I am. I'm so screwed!'

As Sawyer contemplated his fate, Hurley, Charlie and Jin were just finishing their breakfast.

"I wonder where Sawyer is. I hope he's okay," Charlie thought aloud.

"Eh, don't worry about him. He'll be fine. He's always okay," Hurley assured as he stuffed the last banana in his mouth.

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AN- REVIEW! Tell me how much you love it and if anyone has suggestions/ requests I'll take them into account and try to include them. I aim to please! 


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